I heard something on the gram the other day which really struck a chord with me. Stephan Labossiere said,

“Connection can not be created. Nor destroyed. It's either there or it's not. You can build a stronger bond, you can create a stronger attachment to each other, but it doesn’t necessarily mean connection is there.”

It made me reflect on so many relationships over the years, both romantic and platonic. The people you love and appreciate. The people you have copious amounts of fun with. And then the people you have that soul like, unexplainable deep connection with.
It got me thinking about two things... that not all friendships and relationships need to sit under one umbrella to matter. And the second, that there are 3 types of categories when assessing a potential romantic partner.










Ok, first up. I’m sure you’ve heard by now that we are the sum of the 5 closest people that we surround ourselves with. It makes so much sense given how contagious energy is, and how susceptible we are to picking up behaviours, mannerisms and idiosyncrasies. I’ve noticed it when starting new jobs and accidently mirroring the personality and style of a former Presenter. Or in new friendships when I start saying their catch phrases that once annoyed me, speaking in similar funny voices and even starting to change my laugh. We genuinely can’t help matching and mirroring those and the environment around us. We’re adaptable lil’ creatures.

Point being, it’s so important to be mindful of who that core tribe is and what that environment looks like. Is it making you feel completely comfortable and relaxed? Are you safe to, and encouraged to be your 1000% self? Do you feel seen and heard? Is there an ease and effortlessness to your interactions? Do you feel most alive? Do you walk away with a spring in your step? Do you feel loved? Do you feel the most YOU?

If yes to all of the above, these are the people and places you need to choose first. I’m so grateful to have many strong connections in my life... certain friends and family, my little sister Lulu, our dog Murph (truly), my Godson Foxy. But a prime example is the one with my friends Em and Chlo, I truly describe them as both “my safe place and biggest adventure”. And while I know that quote is intended for a romantic relationship, nothing illustrates our bond better. We can live in each other's pockets for months at a time and never feel drained or irritated. They make me feel most energised and alive, while also having the most calming effect on my nervous system. That I believe is the most beautiful demonstration of connection. A unison of maximum energy and minimal effort. Excitement and ease.

On the contrary, there can be relationships that require a little more effort and I can sometimes walk away feeling more drained than energised. I know that in the self development world they would scream, “cut the cord on anything that doesn’t serve you”! But in some cases, I disagree.  

 I’ve learnt over the years that all relationships weren’t designed equally. They don’t need to serve the same purpose and have the same place or intensity in your life. Family is also a great example of this. You don’t get to choose family once you’re earthside based on the depth of compatibility and connection. Instead you just hope for the best, have a deep love for them and then build bonds over the years. Some more successful than others.

So what I’m saying is... If the person or the relationship is toxic, seeeyalata! But if they are a good person, are a loyal friend or family member and you do appreciate them... sometimes it is more about the amount of time and energy you give, rather than cutting the cord completely. I now have a beautiful array of relationships that I know our purpose and place in each other’s lives. And the ones that have that deepest, truest connections come first.
So what about romantically?

Stephen’s words really had me evaluating past relationships and “ships” (the ones that didn’t eventuate into an actual relationship). How did I feel when I met this person? How were my energy levels around them? What was the banter like? Did our interactions feel effortless? Was it a physical or emotional connection, or both?

I realised that they all showed up and represented something different. Some it was purely a strong physical attraction. Others, a deep level of ease and emotional connection. And it can be so damn frustrating when one element is so strongly there, that you turn yourself inside out trying to force the other. Why can’t I create this chemistry? I have SO much in common with this person, why am I not sure? Or why can’t we be on the same page emotionally, intellectually and physically?

But it got me thinking. When forging a relationship, there’s almost 3 different C’s determining what sort it will be.

  Compatibility - Chemistry - Connection.

Compatibility is essentially, similarity. How you view the world. Your values. The way you like spending your free time. What you’re passionate about. When these align it can feel like a no brainer. Like, of course you should be with this person because you can dream and do life together in a more effortless way. You understand them and their way of living because it’s so similar to your own.

Chemistry. The indescribable pull towards someone. Attraction. Passion. Physically and intimately, you are compatible. Energetically, you both vibrate at a higher frequency around one another. It is often unexplainable. And it also often clouds our clear judgement on whether someone is actually right for us. Because hey, nothing is more intoxicating and blinding than electric chemistry. 

 But old mate Connection. Now this is the rarest of them all. I spoke about what I believe connection is in the context of friendship. And that premise still stands; a unison of excitement and ease. Producing maximum energy, with minimal effort. When compatibility meets chemistry, the chances of connection are probably higher. But it’s not always logical. Connection is deeper and the most inexplainable. It’s a feeling. It’s an energetic alignment.

It’s almost when your soul feels connected, your nervous system feels at ease, and your spirit feels alive.

  So honour those real connections. Tend to, water and protect them. And if they can be mixed with chemistry and some compatibility, I believe you may have found your penguin!
 But for those of you who are feeling confused by why someone who looks perfect on paper, or they “should” be the one (my god have I been there before!)... think about these 3 ‘C’ elements and ask yourself if they are potentially sitting under just one? And if compatibility...or chemistry...or connection alone is enough for you, that’s so brilliant. But if it’s not, don’t be ashamed of not settling. For listening to your intuition. For wanting more.

You deserve a ‘certain’ kinda love.

- LIV XX